Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

It is the sweat of the servants that make their squire look smart.

Accept losing but never give up the hope of winning

They are from another world, another way of life that somehow has merged with our own. These worlds are kept separate for the safety of everyone." "And yet, I connect them." "You do.

In essence, String Theory describes space and time, matter and energy, gravity and light, indeed all of God's creation... as music.

Even the self-assured will raise their perceived self-efficacy if models teach them better ways of doing things.

Yes, well, let me tell you that if nobody had ever learned to quote, very few people would be in love with La Rochefoucauld. I bet you I don't know ten souls who read him without a middleman.

Kindness is the golden thread that holds society together.

A good principle not rightly understood may prove as hurtful as a bad.

I love doing live action movies, but there's a great job in doing animation, especially one with music.

We take almost all the decisive steps in our lives as a result of slight inner adjustments of which we are barely conscious.