Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

You are the best thing that will happen to someone today.

I did not say it was true, only that I believe it.

How those holy men of old could storm the battlements above! When there was no way to look but up they lifted up their eyes to God who made the hills with unshakable confidence.

No human being can really understand another, and no one can arrange another's happiness.

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

Let's not only provide a jumpstart to the economy and immediately or save 3 million jobs, but let's also put a down payment on some of the structural problems that we have in our economy.

Memories and loneliness look backward, fear looks around, but faith always looks forward.

That what will come, and must come, shall come well.

The Heart of the matter is Soul, nothing else.

The ocean moans over dead men's bones.