Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Choosing a life of safety is safely choosing something other than life.

Only my heart can see your love and only my soul can feel your touch.

How can a man know how to live rightly on the face of earth? By daily reading and meditation on the Holy Scriptures and obedience to what is written.

I think I've been afraid most of my life to be myself.

No more watching that show Small England or whatever it's called where those two idiots dress up as 'laydees'. It's a bad influence.

I'd love to do a golf movie. I turned down Don Johnson's role in 'Tin Cup.' I regret that.

All my time in rehab has made me appreciate tennis more than ever.

All gods are one god.

I play some fighting games, but mostly I just play sports.

Today, I attended a friend's birthday party dressed as a ninja. I soon discovered that ninjas are very misunderstood.