Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

I am circumcised, and I tell you something, I despise it. I despise it. I despise it... I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Borrow money only for an education that will yield enough of a return in the job market to allow you to pay your loans back.

I have an unfortunate personality.

All the political angst and moral melodrama about getting 'the rich' to pay 'their fair share' is part of a big charade. This is not about economics, it is about politics.

Many people talk much, and then very many people talk very much more.

The world's most funniest and easiest thing is to give an advice.

The fact disclosed by a survey of the past that majorities have been wrong must not blind us to the complementary fact that majorities have usually not been entirely wrong.

I never want to disappoint my parents, ever. They are people that I always look up to.

I'm a very, very sensitive guy. A lot of people don't know that about me, but I am.

The Olympics are always a special competition. It is very difficult to predict what will happen.

I love making buckwheat crepes with ham, Parmesan cheese, and a fried egg on top. It's my go-to breakfast.