Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

If ever we needed to put the Golden Rule into action, it’s with our aging parents.

All the buildings of justice will remain idle on the day when all men have high conscience!

A difference between the sane and the insane is not just about appearance or attitude but the usage of time.

I graduated in 1930 and I went up to the Yale Drama School for two years.

[On the birther movement:] Here we are, quadrillions of bytes deep into the Information Age. And yet information, it seems, has never mattered less.

What am I going to do with you? I have suggestions, but this might not be the place for them.

In five billion years, the sun will expand and engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day

There are a lot more TV sets in use on Monday night than on Sunday afternoon.

In like a dimwit, out like a light.

I had a very pleasant three years at Yale. I must say I did take it seriously, and consequently it took me a while to get over it.