Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I had never been much interested in Pluto, too many facts and too much isolation.

I wanted to shut my mind, that my thoughts might closeon my own peace, I wanted to closethe peace of my love in my heartlike dew in a dark rose."From "Philip Speaks

Everyone else was trying to make things more complicated and Cronkite, typically, was trying to make them more simple.

The interest of the landlord is always opposed to the interests of every other class in the community.

No man could be equipped for the presidency if he has never been tempted by one of the seven cardinal sins.

When lending people money, be sure their character exceeds their collateral.

[It's] not one thing this year, one thing another year.

Even his griefs are a joy long after to one that remembers all that he wrought and endured.

Here it is - right now. Start thinking about it and you miss it.

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.