Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

In the beginning God made the seas, the mountains, the heavens, and buffalo knees. He made lilies, and dew drops, and snail shells, and roses, and dippers, and yappers, and snappers, and noses.

History is often made and buttressed by myths and folklore rather than facts.

The old, subjective, stagnant, indolent and wretched life for woman has gone. She has as many resources as men, as many activities beckon her on. As large possibilities swell and inspire her heart.

She started off, walking fast, as if the speed of her steps could give form to the things she felt.

When you get a groove going, time flies.

Be crazy. Be stupid. Be silly. Be weird. Be whatever. Because life is too short to be anything but happy

Open up your heart and the sky is yours.

Sensible people have got to work together.

I am all for controlling guns.

Example is more forcible than precept. People look at my six days in the week to see what I mean on the seventh.