Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

Passion is the driving element of purpose. When one is possessed with it, labor is not perceived as toil - it is revealed as love.

Leaving home in a sense involves a kind of second birth in which we give birth to ourselves.

I wrote 'The story of O' alone, for Dominique Aury, to interest him, to please him, to occupy him. I wasn't young, nor particularly pretty. I needed something which might interest a man like him.

I believe I was born to breed.

I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.

I was never afraid on stage. That's where I was the least afraid. I could just do what I do and I had the amplification and the lights.

belief is necessarily something false that diverts and suffocates effective production

Our world has changed for better or for worse. It is for us to find truth and beauty for today, constantly re-applying the truth of God's word to our own time and our contemporary situation.

Only when you are relaxed can you see what's going on.

The only way to find out why someone decides to engage in armed combat is to look at their individual personality.