Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

It’s okay to DREAM and dream BIG.

If your eyes can not cry, then your gut will."The head and heart may be in denial of your human needs, but the gut will always carry the wisdom of your needs met and unmet, and thusly respond.

Today is important only in light of what we do for God.

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."

Between the creative, open and spontaneous approach to life, and the highly disciplined, pragmatic approach, there's a doorway, if you can find it - and it leads to immortality.

I was in love once. It was terrible.

To know that every moment — regardless of how it comes wrapped — is a gift greater than you can give yourself, is to be well on your way to a life without fear.

Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.

We're going to be on the ground in Iraq as soldiers and citizens for years. We're going to be running a colony almost.

Let him go abroad to a distant country; let him go to some place where he is not known. Don't let him go to the devil, where he is known.