Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

At the end of the day let their be no regrets, only a desire to do more tomorrow than you did today.

It seemed to happen in springs, the revealing of things.

Of course the Devil is laughing at folks for believing it [Big Bang, etc.]. But hey, it works, it sends 'em to Hell, so he'll use it.

I'm not good enough as a person and definitely not good enough as a writer.

Do something you love and people will love you for it.

Whereas Rolling Stone, I just never had anything to do with them. I'd stop by the office maybe twice a year.

God is inexhaustibly attainable in the totality of our action.

I think if I had lived back in Salem, I would have been burned at the stake

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

Mexico extends beyond its borders.