Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

There is no future without a past, because what is to be cannot be imagined except as a form of repetition.

A woman cannot ever be sure of not being married till she is buried, Mrs. Doctor, dear, and meanwhile I will make a batch of cherry pies.

Half of all the great art and literature in existence went unrecognised during the lifetimes of its creators.

God expects but one thing of you, and that is that you should come out of yourself in so far as you are a created being made and let God be God in you.

Every advance in civilization has been denounced as unnatural while it was recent

No man discovers anything big if he does not make himself small.

Just because I'm sassy and have a mouth on me doesn't mean I'm coming from a negative place.

Bologna is the best city in Italy for food and has the least number of tourists. With its medieval beauty, it has it all.

We want to mentally be young, even if physically we're not.

I used to want to change the world. Now I'm open to letting it change me.