Let freedom ka-ching...Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in the Hudson River.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.

People desire for spices in their life I want some sugar.

Be prudent, diligent, temperate and discreet. Remember that every human being has a claim upon your kind offices.

People who work hard often work too hard. ... May we learn to honor the hammock, the siesta, the nap and the pause in all its forms.

It's impossible to read a distinctive stylist like Faulkner, Joyce, Kafka, Mann, Woolf, James - and many more - without wanting to write, however entirely different one's writing will be.

Not everybody's a great singer, but people can get better at singing. There's great singing teachers out there. It's a muscle, you just have to train it.

I was born in Montreal and came from a lower-middle-class family.

When I hear of Schrödinger's cat, I reach for my pistol.

These rovers are living on borrowed time. We're so past warranty on them. You try to push them hard every day because we're living day to day.

My understanding is that to love, we need to be able to totally surrender to the living/dying nature of this world.