Let grammar, punctuation, and spelling into your life! Even the most energetic and wonderful mess has to be turned into sentences.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Are you always a smartass?'Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

The problem with at-home IQ tests is that too many people wouldn't understand the results. Calling customer service is a bad sign.

You should've told me Tess, " I murmured against her hair. "You helped me find my humanness but you took it away with your lies.

Americans oppose Obamacare because they understand that it is inconsistent with our liberties and our idea of limited government and that it will destroy the best health care system in the world.

I think that idea of being far away from the people that you love is something that everyone can relate to.

I can assure you that flying saucers, given that they exist, are not constructed by any power on Earth.

In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and - SNAP - the job's a game!

I'm known for being a good listener. Most people need a lot of love and encouragement and I'm more than willing to give a person all the encouragement and time they need.

Pick up my guitar and play, just like yesterday / And I get on my knees and pray.

Such is the nature of men, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned; yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves.