Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Your destiny is calling on you to surround yourself with people who see moving forward as the only option in life.

He has become a great leader of his team, a guy that has evolved in terms of his role within the team.

And then I screwed up and the Colonel screwed up and Takumi screwed up and she slipped through our fingers.

I had lunch the other day with my niece, Emma, and she said, 'You're so smart, Aunt Julia.' And I wanted to say, 'I'm not smart - I'm 41! You're 17!'

In so far as the soul is a force residing in the body; it has therefore been said that the properties of the soul depend of the condition of the body.

That's the magic of filmmaking, to draw the audience into an exotic world and keep them there and keep the suspense.

I do not know, sir, that the fellow is an infidel; but if he be an infidel, he is an infidel as a dog is an infidel; that is to say, he has never thought upon the subject.

Network heads don't seemed to be turned off by the men who get older.

Activities that seem to represent choices are often inert reproductions of accepted practice.

To me an unnecessary action, or shot, or casualty, was not only waste but sin.