Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Life could have been way easier if we can just use "Please, do not disturb" sign in our social lives!

The beauty of life is in happiness.

The greatest service which can be rendered any country is to add a useful plant to its culture.--The Fruit Hunters

A sprinkle of magic, a ton of fun, a heap of optimism, a lot of joy, a glimmer of hope – ’tis the gift of the Happy Rosy Day gratitude journal.

Dumb people are just blissfully unaware of how dumb they are.

No one ever loses anyone. We are all one soul that needs to continue growing and developing in order for the world to carry on and for us all to meet once again.

Without good company all dainties Lose their true relish, and like painted grapes, Are only seen, not tasted.

I've always gotten myself overly involved in supporting other women who've not always been as supportive in return.

We live in a society either scarred by scarcity or spoiled by luxury. We have no idea how much is enough. We don't know when to quit.

Thousands of years ago only Christ could walk on the water. Today anybody can do it; you just step on the garbage.