Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

People who believe that justice is a pendulum are willing to swing it wildly.

Be glad that I haven't take out the pen, the rubber and the pencil once taken... all will die.

Time for the likeliest story since Mary told Joseph it was God’s.

We're actually making stuff in America now. We're exporting stuff. We're inventing things.

I guess I'm breaking out a little of what's comfortable and easy.

Never put lettering in your photos unless you want it read.

Because you are beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence

If Obama commits thermonuclear war, I won't have to worry about November and neither will you.

We come to reason, not to dominate. We do not seek to have our way, but to find a common way.

My best friend is the only person in the world who could stop me from crying.