Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Your dreams of today will create your future.

He hurried to car and set off home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.

Make your pain productive and you can transform tragedy into triumph.

It doesn't do you any service to demonize any group of people. It's much better to try and understand from the inside.

You don't always have to have the ending, but you want to have a satisfactory conclusion.

No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.

To wear a gray tweed suit, you have to be mature and confident in yourself. Some people can't pull it off.

Experts always know everything but the fine points. When I took my citizenship exams, no one there knew how the White House came to be called the White House.

Inner #‎ peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your #‎ emotions

The whole magic of a plot requires that somebody be impeded from getting something over with.