Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility.

Those who waste time eventually become wasted

If our Christianity doesn’t work at home, it doesn’t work.

I don't give up on commitments until what I've been asked to do is clearly finished.

Christmas it seems to me is a necessary festival; we require a season when we can regret all the flaws in our human relationships: it is the feast of failure, sad but consoling.

Things that I'm afraid to do are always about being afraid of being exposed. Every time, that's what it's always about.

I can't afford to be a member of a golf course.

The film from the beginning is not the real world; it's an imaginary world. And this imaginary world is both inside and outside the normal world.

I hope that my government can help change Italian mentality.

The tie which links mother and child is of such pure and immaculate strength as to be never violated.