Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

If you don’t think screenwriting is a work of art, good luck in your life without a soul.

I did not get to where I am backstabbing people. If you want what I have, you must earn it like I did.

The phrase public office is a public trust, has of last become common property.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

I am never tired of winning, and as your president I will win for you, the American people. I'm with you!

The only loser who walks away from a wise man is the one who walks away.

If it does not fit, you must acquit.

I rebel against death, yet I know that it is how I respond to death's inevitability that is going to make me less or more fully alive.

The fundamental human values all emanate from Dharma, based on Truth. If human behaviour has no such basis, it leads to disaster.

I don't want to peak too early. The worry is that you never know until it's all over whether you peaked at all - and then you're finished and it's too late.