Let us eat and drink: for tomorrow we diet.

A decorator can make lots of money - assuming she wins the lottery.

He's always been known to be entrepenurious.

I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk . . . my fourth.

My husband lost a lot of weight on a new diet and I resent it. It's simple he just doesn't eat when I'm talking.

They say the Japanese don't experience menopause or hot flashes. If that's the case why are they the number-one fan-producing country in the world?

I don't give my weight. I weigh a hundred and plenty.

When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ he gave her a lecture on anorexia.

My husband yells comments like "How long till you're ready? Throw out a date."

My sister started to smell trouble when on the second day of her honeymoon the groom started asking for separate checks.

He says he's not broke but he is trying to sell his kidney and corneas.

Every day you play with the light of the universe.

The life of a wit is a warfare upon earth.

A business like acting is 90% luck. You can be a star one minute and out of work the next

Seth hustled over. “What’s the password?” “Passwords are for sissies,” Warren’s muffled voice responded. “Works for me,” Seth said, unlocking the door and opening it.

America is not at war with Islam. And it is a mistake and it plays into the hands of the terrorists to act as though we are.

I came out the back of the building and I was hollering, 'I've sung on the Grand Ole Opry! I've sung on the Grand Ole Opry!'

I'm a private intellectual, not a public one.

Some things just push a man's buttons. This goes beyond what we say-and into how we say it.

Boys turns girls into such idiots.

The only amaranthine flower on earth is virtue; the only lasting treasure, truth.