Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.

The downward spiral of Dumbness in America is about to hit a new low.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God and the only thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.

Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain.

A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

If man could apply half the ingenuity he’s exhibited in the creation of weapons to more sensible ends, there’s no limit to what he might yet accomplish

A man will strategically organize his life in boxes and then spend most of his time in the boxes he can succeed in.

I wouldn't exactly call it 'cooking' but I can make noodles. That means I can boil water, put the pasta in and wait until it's done.

Be sure to take the lens cap off before photographing.

That's what every young kid thinks about when they first put on a uniform - is to play in the Major League and then, ultimately, play in a World Series. To me, that was the ultimate, winning in '86.

My goal was to be a network correspondent by the time I was 30.

Americans have gotten to know Sarah Palin. They know that she's a role model to women and other - and reformers all over America. She's a reformer.

O Allah! Pardon my sins. Yes, I come.

All I know is gold and platinum, and I want to be platinum.

RUMOUR: "Upon my tongues continual slanders ride, The which in every language I pronounce, Stuffing the ears of men with false reports.