Life is a huge farce, and the advantage of possessing a sense of humour is that it enables one to defy fate with mocking laughter.

Time is money says the proverb, but turn it around and you get a precious truth. Money is time.

For the man sound of body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad weather; every day has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood do but make it pulse more vigorously.

That is one of the bitter curses of poverty; it leaves no right to be generous.

For one thing, I know every book of mine by its scent.

I hate with a bitter hatred the names of lentils haricots - those pretentious cheats of the appetite, those tabulated humbugs, those certified aridites calling themselves human food!

The mind which renounces, once and for ever, a futile hope, has its compensation in ever-growing calm.

I know every book of mine by its smell, and I have but to put my nose between the pages to be reminded of all sorts of things.

Money is made at Christmas out of holly and mistletoe, but who save the vendors would greatly care if no green branch were procurable?

Parks are but pavement disguised with a growth of grass.

Flippancy, the most hopeless form of intellectual vice.

Find beauty in the madness.

When you're the only pea in the pod your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope diamond.

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of Hell.

I don't want to stir up a can of worms.

Cosmopolitan critics, men who are the friends of every country save their own.

Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.

Philip Sharpe was a soldier in God's army," says the minister. "Now he marches with the angels.

Jim Bakker is an extremely talented preacher, if he would just get it together.

After an 18-year career, I left the film industry, not wanting to become one of those child-actor cautionary tales.

I find myself dreaming of doing normal things - like staying home and washing dishes.