Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

If you cannot lead, do not mislead.

If you are fortunate enough to enjoy great success, you should never forget the spirit of the beginner, and not grow indolent and arrogant.

The Concept of Internal and External Stressor is a Misnomer. All Stress is Created Finally Through an Internal Mechanism Mediated by Our Thoughts.

I've been in a couple of weddings where the coolest people that were the most day before so mellow and then the day of the wedding freaking out.

From this day forward, speak to yourself in a way that you would someone you care about.

The picture of me is nearly finished, and I think it is magnificent. The green and blue of the dress is splendid, and the expression as Lady Macbeth holds the crown over her head is quite wonderful.

The wolf never kills for fun, which is probably one of the main differences distinguishing him from man.

The pen is a formidable weapon, but a man can kill himself with it a great deal more easily than he can other people.

What is amazing for a woman of my age is that I change as the world is changing-and changing very, very fast. I don't think my mother had that opportunity to change.

With my tongue in one cheek only, I'd suggest that were our palaeolithic ancestors to discover the peer-review dredger, we would be still sitting in caves.