Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

Ha, " I said. "Oh, ha-ha. Yeah, ’cause they love me. You see how many vampires are up here? Zero, right?"One, " said Eric, stepping out of the stairwell.

Women love with their ears, men with their eyes.

In narrative films, you set up reality, so you can limit the variables. You don't have that luxury with docs.

I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope

It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become.

Success is achieved in inches, not miles.

My inspiration was the game itself, not any individual player in it.

Okay, this was kissing. Serious kissing. Not just a kiss before moving out, not a good-bye, this was Hello, sexy, and wow, she’d never even suspected that it could feel this way.

It is dressed into speeches about patriotism, love of country...but the profits...skyrocket.

If I ever had the time to take on another job, being a party planner would be high on my list.