Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

As long as the forest stood the Tchetchens were unconquerable... and it is literally the fact that they were beaten in the long run not by the sword but by the axe.

Books have power to bring you glory or doom, it all depends on perception.

The word experience is like a shrapnel shell, and bursts into a thousand meanings.

Making peace, I have found, is much harder than making war.

It may offend us to hear our own thoughts expressed by others: we are not sure enough of their souls.

Imitating paper isn't the goal; the goal is surpassing paper.

I have eyes like those of a dead pig.

I felt very grown up when I was wearing makeup, thank you very much.

Remember the saying, What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger? It's true!

I'm always telling myself as I write that I'm not really writing a novel; I'm just going to fool around with a character or an idea.