Life is the great indulgence - death the great abstinence. Therefore, make the most of life here and now!

Don't waste your time with people who will ultimately destroy you, but concentrate instead on those who will appreciate your responsibility to them, and, likewise, feel responsible to you.

I'm glad that Christian parents let their children worship the devil at least one night out of the year.

Up is down, pleasure is pain, darkness is light, slavery is freedom, madness is sanity.

Be as a lion in the path. Be dangerous even in defeat.

The Atheist complains about the wind. The Christian prays for it to change. The Satanist adjusts his sails.

If you're going to be a sinner, be the best sinner on the block.

Hate your enemy with a whole heart, and if a man smite you on one cheek, SMASH him on the other!

Behold the crucifix; what does it symbolize? Pallid incompetence hanging on a tree.

There are many who would take my time. I shun them. There are some who share my time. I am entertained by them.

There is a beast in man that should be exercised, not exorcised.

Of course I loved books more than people.

We're lucky." He slipped his hand around her waist and splayed it in the small of her back. "Most couples have only one first kiss. We'll have two.

A man may fulfill the object of his existence by asking a question he cannot answer and attempting a task he cannot achieve.

I've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get in free.

To guide someone through the halls of hell is not the same as love.

I am the last Englishman to rule in India.

I like surfing in Mexico a whole lot better than sitting with people in Washington that I don't even like.

Historical tends to be my bailiwick.

I book myself tight. If I have any time off, I get antsy.

I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.