Life isn't all fricasseed frogs and eel pie.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

The term compassion means shared suffering. You develop compassion by knowing what it is like to suffer.

In evolutionary terms, that means we asked for it.

Comic-Con is nerd Christmas. People go wanting to have fun.

Your mom was right when she told you never to discuss politics and religion because emotions run so high in those arenas. Especially religion.

An insurance company might say, "Tell us more about yourself so your premiums can go down." When they say that, they're addressing the winners, not the losers.

A Puritan is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be having a good time.

But you know, I'm the negative-Nancy, curmudgeon, glass-half-empty-with-a-leak-in-it guy - which is basically the fuel that fires me up anyway. Without that, we wouldn't have me.

It still feels like Hip Hop is in the early '80s on Broadway.

I live with my family. I moved to L.A. eight years ago, and it's the same room. But I'm looking now. I might get a condo.

We are the words; we are the music; we are the thing itself.