Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Each of us is a book waiting to be written, and that book, if written, results in a person explained.

The biggest regret? This may be one of those years I have no regrets.

Without a song the day would never end Without a song the road would never bend When things go wrong a man ain't got a friend Without a song

I was working at the store on the Sony studios in Culver City. And I was literally holding a shirt when they came in and told me I'd got the part! It just shows dreams do come true.

The unhappy man, who once has trail'd a pen, Lives not to please himself, but other men; Is always drudging, wastes his life and blood, Yet only eats and drinks what you think good.

The more a ruling class is able to assimilate the most prominent men of a ruled class, the more solid and dangerous its rule.

Graves are for the living, not the dead. It gives us something to concentrate on instead of the fact that our loved one is rotting under the ground.

The 'Church' is ... catholic because her communion embraces the whole human race.

The wondrous thing about nature, her gift to us, is her wanton promiscuity. She reproduces herself with abandon, with teeming infinite generosity.

Principle-centered people are constantly educated by their experiences.