Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Friends never turn as enemies. If they did, they were never your friends at all.

Courage cannot be gifted to you, but it is a choice you make.

In politics people give you what they think you deserve and deny you what they think you want.

Referring to Palestinian refugees: "We must do everything in our power to ensure that they never return.

Some men spend their whole life furnishing for themselves the things proper to life without realizing that at our birth each of us was poured a mortal brew to drink.

Drink not the third glass, which thou canst not tame, when once it is within thee.

Being alone was easier. No risk, just loneliness. No one ever died from that.

What was your secret?" That brought another smile. "Learn to laugh, otherwise, you'll beat them to death with a hammer first chance

The people who hate SICP are the ones who just want to know how to drive their car on the highway, just like everyone else.

Most of my schooldays were the worst day of my life.