Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.

I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.

I believe great things are ahead for each of us. Now we just have to go ahead and create them.

Lay me on an anvil, O God. Beat me and hammer me into a steel spike.

Rules are for the obidience of fools and interpretations of smart men.

My mobile phone battery runs out all the time because all the messages come straight to me.

Touring is really a pretty lonely business.

A lot of players in Europe aren't as tall as the other guys, so they have to be stocky to physically compete.

We can't be fighting the last war. We have to be preparing to fight the new war.

Motherly love - putting the care of children before every other consideration - is the ultimate intelligence of nature.

If Jack, Frank and Mary are in a loving relationship and were all for marriage equality, then why aren't the three of them covered in SB1? Why can't they get married?

If I hear that people are litigious, I immediately dismiss them.