Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

The most unknown, unused and unrecognised tool of the human mind, is the recognition that attitude is always a choice.

You know, sometimes it's nice to just have someone to blame, even if it has to be yourself, even if it doesn't make sense.

If Gage finds out, he's going to have a cow-horns, balls, and all.

Let a man in a garret burn with enough intensity and he will set fire to the world.

The Palace is a good theater, you can see from everywhere.

Certainly, you know, you can always learn from some - from somebody else's - from some intelligence. I think. I hope.

Women don't want to be listened to. They only want to be agreed with

The ethos and critique are of poetry, which becomes a rich dark with a phosphorescence of lyric as witness.

My inner peace remains in spite of any outward thing. Only insofar as I remain in harmony can I draw others into harmony, and so much more harmony is needed before the world can find peace.