Link Wray is the all-time legend.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

The human being is not a fallen being in need of redemption but rather a forgetful being who must be reminded of God and his own nature.

Clothes and jewellery should be startling, individual.

After three major movies, I was like, 'Oh, I guess you're supposed to get a publicist?' Girls that are in the business now that are successful are more savvy.

I love playing ego and insecurity combined.

Creating and producing creative work, to me those are all happy accidents.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

We need to respect the fact that cows are herbivores, and that does not mean feeding them corn and chicken manure.

A real friendship should not fade as time passes, and should not weaken because of space separation.

My countrymen should have nerves of steel, muscles of iron, and minds like thunderbolt.

Give me a few minutes to talk away my face and I can seduce the Queen of France.