Listen, someone's screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Love is an art and this love lacks artists.

If you believe it, it is.

We must each find our separate meaning in the persuasion of our days until we meet in the meaning of the world.

I say more power to [Madonna], though I don't know how much more power is out there.

Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus! Right down Santa Claus Lane!

Movies are art and the spirit of the movie depends on the creators.

We earn what we get - most of us - and, sweet heaven help us! we get it. God does not always pay on Saturday - but He Pays.

The World Has Divided into Rich and Poor as at No Time in History

Wine has been with civilized man from the beginning.

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?