Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always will be.

The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression.

If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'

I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough.

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.

Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.

With writing, we have second chances.

The essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things.

I'm not crazy, i'm just sensitive

I know what kind of people would have the hottest corner in my conception of hell. It would be those who have helped to give goodness a bad name.

Christianity is not being weighed in the balance and found wanting. It's being tried, found difficult and rejected!

Before he has seen the whole, how unusually perceptive and imaginative the person must be to evolve the entire sequence by meditating on its single, pair or triplet of essential images.

Man is a wretch without woman; but woman is a monster-and thank Heaven, an almost impossible and hitherto imaginary monster--without man, as her acknowledged principal!

Reading liberates you. You could know about the world through reading.

What is mine, even to my life, is hers I love; but the secret of my friend is not mine!

This man [Barack Obama] does not have the interests of our country. That's not his agenda. His agenda is to bring us down to a third-world country.