Listening to Democrats complain about inflation is like listening to germs complain about disease.

In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism. They have formed their own 4-H Club - the 'hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history.'

There are people in our society who should be separated and discarded.

Some newspapers are fit only to line the bottom of bird cages.

An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike.

Three things have been difficult to tame: the oceans, fools and women. We may soon be able to tame the oceans; fools and women will take a little longer.

Some newspapers dispose of their garbage by printing it.

Perhaps the place to start looking for a credibility gap is not in the offices of the Government in Washington but in the studios of the networks in New York!

Yippies, Hippies, Yahoos, Black Panthers, lions and tigers alike - I would swap the whole damn zoo for the kind of young Americans I saw in Vietnam.

I apologize for lying to you. I promise I won't deceive you except in matters of this sort.

Confronted with a choice, the American people would choose the policeman's truncheon over the anarchist's bomb.

Even if you delegate that responsibility, ultimately you are the one responsible for howyour brand is portrayed.

What is a moderate interpretation of the text? Halfway between what it really means and what you'd like it to mean?

If you cultivate piety as an end and not a means, you will become a hypocrite.

Not one drop of blood is left inside my veins that does not throb: I recognize signs of the ancient flame.

People think that I'm a really outgoing person because of how I am on stage. But I'm not. I'm really shy.

So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.

The final words of a domestic bully: If you leave me now furious angels will descend upon you and bring you back to me.

The real art is knowing what to leave out, not what to put in.

I've gone from a two-pitch guy to a four-pitch guy.

Boasting is always an advertisement of poverty.