Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

So much of what comes out of the faith community seems so dour and somber, and we want to say, 'Hey, we're real people. You can be a person of faith and really enjoy life and laugh.'

Many do not advance in Christian progress because they stick in penances and particular exercises, while they neglect the love of God, which is the end.

Solitary and farouche people don't have relationships; they are quite unrelatable.

What do you despise? By this are you truly known.

I shall tell my doctors baseball has more curative powers than all their medicine.

Hey, I'm Jeremy, and I play the baahhhssss.

You just stay the course, and do what it is that you do, and grow while you're doing it. Eventually it will either come full circle, or at least you'll go to bed at night happy.

Fresh, fun and oh-so-romantic, WILD HEARTS had me galloping through the pages. I absolutely loved it.

The danger with hatred is, once you start in on it, you get a hundred times more than you bargained for. Once you start, you can't stop.

The shock of photographed atrocities wears off with repeated viewings, just as the surprise and bemusement felt the first time one sees a pornographic movie wear off after one sees a few more.