Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

The truth is that pain is not inherently bad for us

Settle down, Maverick, this isn’t the danger zone.

I’m not going to kill you, Nora. I don’t kill people who are important to me. And you top the list.

I would advise young artists to paint as they can, as long as they can, without being afraid of painting badly.

Hee that hath a wife and children wants not businesse.

One of the huge mistakes people make is that they try to force an interest on themselves. You don't choose your passions; your passions choose you.

It's amazing what people will do when you see the best in them, when you honor them, when you respect them. It not only strengthens the relationship, but it will help that other person rise higher.

I am going to Spain to fight an army without a general, and thence to the East to fight a general without an army.

You can look at a slum or a peasant village, but it is only by entering into the world - by living in it -that you begin to understand what it is like to be powerless, to be like Christ.

Through our entire history we have become accustomed to pushing [animals] around in ways dictated by our own wants and needs without much regard for theirs.