Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same.

You don't get rich writing science fiction. If you want to get rich, you start a religion.

Freedom is for honest people. No man who is not himself honest can be free – he is his own trap.

What is true for you is what you have observed yourself. And when you lose that, you have lost everything.

Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today and you make your tomorrow.

Nothing in Scientology is true for you unless you have observed it and it is true according to your observation

Scientology is the only specific (cure) for radiation (atomic bomb) burns.

They smell of all the baths they didnt take. The trouble with China is, there are too many chinks here.

To love in spite of all is the secret of greatness. And may very well be the greatest secret in this universe.

The test of true competence is the end result.

The only way you can control people is to lie to them. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them.

Today’s storms usher in tomorrow’s sunshine.

It is humor's job to laugh at the futility oft engendered by the improbable

She existed in her friends; there she was. All the parts of herself she'd forgotten. She knew herself best when she was with them.

I'll fight a man with three children and a nice house any day over a man that's living out of a car.

To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?

I was teaching magic at NYU when I was 16.

In a stage play, you kill the leads and they come out for a bow - in a movie, they don't come out for a bow, they're dead.

He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.

Drawing teaches habits of close observation that will always be useful.

I don't know if I ever really bought into the eternal damnation bit.