Look for strength in people, not weakness; for good, not evil. Most of us find what we search for.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

The eagle may soar; beavers build dams.

The US has not imposed democracy in Yemen, its people have.

The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

The government is shutting down the coal industry, they say it's cheaper to draw nuclear power off the French grid and cheaper to buy coal from Colombia.

The past must not hold us from fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives

A joke's a very serious thing.

It sounds gross to say that I like myself more. But not everyone likes themselves that much. Especially in the comedy world.

We also told her you weren't a serial killer," Brit interjected. Cam nodded. "That's a glowing recommendation. Hey, at least he's not a serial killer. I'm going to put that on my Facebook profile.

Every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid.

Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

Some of my funniest thoughts come to me while I'm taking a shower.

The Oscar for the films, it'd be nice. But I don't make those kind of films, and I don't think that will ever happen.

I've lived through periods of illiquidity before. Asset prices come down. The economy slows or even goes into recession. Then the cycle re-starts. We buy at lower prices with less leverage.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.