Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.

To Be Successful You Don't Need Beautiful Face And Heroic Body, What You Need is Skillful Mind And Ability To Perform

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

The older you get, the more you realise how happenstance... has helped to determine your path through life.

But I always feel that whatever I do, I could do better. I suppose it is perfectionism.

I want to express myself in a different way. I have a performing inclination.

I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Art is something that nobody laughs at and nobody makes any money out of is the attitude, which I would dispute.

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

Pent-up anger is oftentimes more destructive than a good quarrel.

Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive.

The things which are most important don’t always scream the loudest.

I was numb and I had lots of swollen lymph nodes, my heart was hurting and I had blood clots in my arm and leg.

I take away his weapon. Both of them.

Fiction is in danger of becoming a kind of poetry. Only other poets read it. Only other fiction writers care about it.

The world must become aware of the fantastic transformational power of social entrepreneurship and the Foundation will work as a catalyst in this effort.

Jesus does not want us to say, dead, for, He said, all live unto Him, though they seem dead to us.

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

The deepest, the intelligible, part of the nature of man is that part which does not take refuge in causality, but which chooses in freedom the good or the bad.