Los Angeles is the home of the three little white lies: "The Ferrari is paid for," "The mortgage is assumable," and "It's just a cold sore!

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Heroism doesn't pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up.

I am made of poetry and other things that people don't really care about at all.

The more we get attached to any relationship, the more we lose the grip on our emotional freedom.

Leadership and management are not synonymous.

Every brain is civilized, Every nerve is analyzed, Everything is criticized when you are in need.

Because he stinks on the power play. He stinks. I don't know why. I wish I could put him on the power play, but every time I put him on, he stinks.

The older you get, the more you live with ghosts.

Between lips and lips there are cities of great ash and moist summit, drops of when and how, vague comings and goings: between lips and lips as along a shore of sand and glass the wind passes.

I'm a science nerd! Not a cheerleader. - Claire Danvers

When the need arises - and it does - you must be able to shoot your own dog. Don't farm it out — that doesn't make it nicer, it makes it worse.