Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

True Success adds value to others

Because of the Republicans, I'm not ashamed of being an American. I'm embarrassed!

We have assumed control where once we worked with what we were given.

I obviously swear by yoga for staying mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually balanced.

Look, I don't even agree with myself at times.

When I was a kid, I dreamed of using a bat with my own name on it.

If you can't do something willingly and joyfully, then don't do it. If you give up drinking, don't go moaning about it; go back on the bottle. Do. As. Thou. Wilt.

The soul lives there in the silent breath.

I sort of thought the framers of the Constitution were talking about the rights of individuals, not corporate entities.

O to speed where there is space enough and air enough at last!