Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner!

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

Rum is tonic that clarifies the vision, and sets things in true perspective.

The essays in The Great Taos Bank Robbery were my project to win a Master of Arts degree in English when I quit being a newspaper editor and went back to college.

Me in drag is kind of scary, actually. It's frightening. I actually look pretty good.

Her vulnerability is open, but she’s safe within it.

I'm a positive person, so I don't get bogged down with it. If you're expecting that, if you wall in that, if you practice that, then you'll attract what you fear.

Wise is he who enjoys the show offered by the world.

You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect.

You are a preacher! Maybe not with your mouth all the time like me, but as a believer in Christ, your life is a living sermon.

Success requires persistence, the ability to not give up in the face of failure. I believe that optimistic explanatory style is the key to persistence.

America's honor, your honor is at stake. Go out and preserve the greatest country in the history of the world.