Louis C. K. is one of my all time favorite standup comedians.

Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it.

If you feel like a weirdo, it's okay because weirdos rule the world.

I'm too awkward to date, I think. I'm kind of all or nothing, you know? Either put a baby inside of me or leave me alone.

It's weird, huh? It's like the minute you kinda give up control you just know what to do without doing anything.

I'm like that person who hates going to magic shows - and I love magic, I love wizards - but going to a show where there is any possibility of audience participation is a nightmare for me.

I always want to keep growing and keep surprising people, and showing them different parts of me.

I think being on a TV show is amazing but also, people get kind of used to seeing you a certain way and so it becomes a challenge to break free from that in a way.

I don't let myself 'surf' on the Web, or I would probably drown.

I've had experiences in my life where I've met certain people that have opened up something in me and given me hope and a new outlook on life.

My grandfather came over from Puerto Rico and raised his kids speaking English so that it would be easier for them to assimilate.

Her beauty was ethereal, knocking on the door of the part of his psyche that still believed in magic and miracles.

(...) pick up your axe, start at the rootsdon't miss the trunk, never forget:to end life truly and finallystart at the roots or end there.

I promise I'll come back. No matter what happens." Though his voice was only a whisper, there was a fierceness behind it. I believed him completely. "I'll wait for you, " I told him.

I usually call the new guy and let him know where I like to sit on the bus, tell him ways he can stay out of my way, make sure he knows not to touch any of my stuff.

When evil times prevail, take care to preserve the serenity of your hear.

Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.

Many patients cannot hear until they feel heard.

I always think I could play a fantastic psychopath. I'd like to play a psycho. With a heart, you know. A caring lunatic.

Everything moves, and everything moves to a rhythm. And everything that moves to a rhythm creates a sound. At this moment, the same thing is happening here and everywhere else in the world.

I have values I believe in and certain things I stand for.