Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Closeness to another person is like a fear of falling off a building to me. It's really, like, physically painful, and it's a brand of crazy I don't appreciate having.

The feeling of being 'offended' is a warning indicator that is showing you where to look within yourself for unresolved issues.

Because I'm 44, I feel kind of lucky that I lived through this period where I started my career where there was no Internet at all, and now when I finish it, there will be nothing but the Internet.

I never wanted to be a dancer. It's true! I wanted to be a shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Chewing transforms even toxins into nutritive substances.

Heroes don't get anything but dead.

There's that thing about the '80s, the '40s and the '60s, and the '30s, the '50s and the '70s. Something about those odd decades in this century that weren't too pleasant.

To be popular one must be a mediocrity.

We have already given in example one effectual check to the dog of war by transferring the power of letting him loose from the Executive to the Legislative body

Often we use the word problem only because we have not learned that imagination and creativity can handle the situation.