Love can come when you're already who you are, when you're filled with you. Not when you look to someone else to fill the empty space.

Marriage is like a well-built porch. If one of the two posts leans too much, the porch collapses. So each must be strong enough to stand on its own.

...wanting things for the wrong reasons can turn anyone's life into a marshmallow on a stick over a hot fire: impossibly messy and eventually consumed, one way or another.

That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable.

The loneliness you feel with another person, the wrong person, is the loneliest of all.

You've got to say what you mean and mean what you say...Doubt in your voice is an open door people will shove right through.

You've got to have someone who loves your body. Who doesn't define you, but sees you. Who loves what he sees. Who you don't have to struggle to be good enough for.

We don't want you convicted for condiment theft. You go to that prison, you'll meet big-time operators. Maple syrup stealers.

We can get so wrapped up in our own misconceptions that we miss the simple beauty of the truth.

It was one of those times you feel a sense of loss, even though you didn't have something in the first place. I guess that's what disappointment is- a sense of loss for something you never had.

If time heals all wounds, and a book can hold a person's entire life, then you can speed up the process with a pulp time warp.

There’s something about being naïve. Really interesting things come because you don’t know what the rules are, what you can and can’t do.

Today I choose to be kind to all and to do all I can to make this world peaceful.

As the dragon charged it released huge clouds of hissing steam through its nostrils. It was almost as if a gigantic teapot had gone mad.

Being famous was extremely disappointing for me. When I became famous it was a complete drag and it is still a complete drag.

As your organizational authority increases, your organizational IQ decreases.

When you end a successful sitcom, the most sensible thing to do is go back to the theater.

Industry jargon may not be a language your customer understands.

Interest is the invention of Satan.

Look into a mirror, make eye contact with yourself, and say "I love me" as many times as possible during the day.