Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

FYI, it isn’t how I suspected. If you eat enough Cheetos you will NOT actually poop an extra-large Cheeto.

I miss that world from the safe distance of memory.

One thing you learned as a Cubs fan: when you bought you ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.

Obviously, the opinions that are most accurate are the ones that are closest to you - your crew, your friends, your family. Those people know who you are, and that's accurate.

A Big Mac - the communion wafer of consumption.

Grief seems at first to destroy not just all patterns, but also to destroy a belief that a pattern exists.

I like to be comfortable but I also like to look put together all the time.

The longer you look at an object, the more abstract it becomes, and, ironically, the more real.

Ugliness without tact is horrible.

Go to the well of deep Love inside each of Us.