Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Take care of the pence and the pounds will take care of themselves.

Education is the best economic policy there is.

I know death comes. I've seen too much death, young death.

Liberty does not exist in the absence of morality.

Do what I will never do.

For those who are poor in happiness, each time is a first time; happiness never becomes a habit.

A lot of people, even my parents, thought, "Art school, I don't know. We'll support you but the success rate for artists is really slim."

Adoption is rewarding. But the process, as we have already detailed in some particulars, can be expensive, exhausting, and hard to sustain on a dream, much less a whim.

The fact that the market is not doing what we wish it would do is no reason to automatically assume that the government would do better.

So we'll live, And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh at gilded butterflies.