Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

I think that the most important thing a woman can have - next to talent, of course - is her hairdresser.

Recently I heard a 'wise guy' story that I had a party at my home for twenty-five men. It's an interesting story, but I don't know twenty-five men I'd want to invite ta a party.

If you have an ounce of common sense and one good friend you don't need an analyst.

Care for your clothes, like the good friends they are

I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star. If you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

Well, we can skip childhood because I didn't have any. Not one goddam moment on the Good Ship Lollipop.

Make your wardrobe as versatile as an actress. It should be able to play many roles.

Be afraid of nothing.

[To the mother of two unruly children in a restaurant after the woman said she really didn't know what to do with her children:] Have you tried infanticide?

It is my intention to make no provision herein for my son Christopher or my daughter Christina for reasons which are well known to them.

Richness does not come from wealth or splendor, but from an appreciation of those things that you cannot buy.

Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else that thinks at least as logically as it does.

An interesting thing that I've learned is that "no" doesn't always really mean "no," it just simply means "not now."

My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

Jerry Falwell says that abortion and homosexuality are sins. Oh yeah? Well, so is gluttony, Jerry. So maybe you should think about dropping 50 pounds.

Lexicographers are language reporters.

Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.

Looking after children is one of the ways of looking after yourself.

You're headed in the right direction when you realize the customer viewpoint is more important than the company viewpoint. It's more productive to learn from your customers instead of about them.

There is no affliction, trial, or labor difficult to endure, when we consider the torments and sufferings which Our Lord Jesus Christ endured for us.