Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

You will be a different person after the storm, because the storm will heal you from your perfection.

In dreams begins responsiblities.

May our conscience be renewed by the WORD of GOD.

I would be a billionaire if I was looking to be a selfish boss. That's not me.

Despair snuffs the sun from the firmament.

People think I rush around all day long like a raving lunatic. I'm much more relaxed than that.

Where we belong is often where we least expect to find ourselves—a place that we may have willed ourselves to forget, but that the heart remembers forever.

I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know.

What do you want from me?" he asks. What I want from every person in my life, I want to tell him. More.

I don't fight to prove that I'm tough, I know I'm tough. I fight because it's inside of me.